It's About Time

It's About Time
e. schoettler
collage


Kind of says it all for me right now.

NEW Video: Conversation with Jessica Piscitelli

In an interview with Ellouise Schoettler on Stories in Focus, Jessica Piscitelli, CEO and Founder of Better Said Than Done, talks about storytelling and tells a story.

Tales from Leo: Busy Days

Hello.
Leo here.

Ellouise has already written about her take on the "strange days" around here.
What she says is certainly true but there is more to it - thought I would give you another eye-view of the goings on.

Jim's Funeral Mass will be at their parish church The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament this coming Saturday morning. For the past two weeks she's been making plans, writing lists, and getting things done. Yesterday she and her granddaughter Juliana completed the "program".

They laughed together as they switched font and rearranged the lay-out and occasionally Ellouise teared up, "I know he would love that you are helping me with this, Honey."
Ellouise switched from the formal picture to a smiling snapshot picture of Jim because in the picture he looks like he's ready to have a chat and that just fits the quotation for the front cover:
 "Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
      but laugh 
      and talk of me as if I were beside you."  From a Celtic Memorial.

Yesterday she and grand-daughter Alison ran errands together and ended up at Johnson's Florist where they picked out the perfect flowers - white orchids.
Today Ellouise is setting up her sewing machine to make the Pall - a symbol of Jim's Baptism - to be placed on his urn during the Mass.

I heard her telling a friend the other day, "I am glad to have had the time to work out all the details and make these personal things - but the truth is --- the waiting makes it harder." And there is still more waiting ahead because they have not had a call from Arlington with a date for Jim's burial.

Its not all domestic and ritual planning - sweetness and roses. Jim's obituary ran in the Washington Post over the week-end and two days later the local CVS Pharmacy they use called to ask about two prescriptions for narcotics which had been submitted with Jim's name as the patient. Freaky. Ellouise called the prescription insurance company and CVS called the police but because the pharmacy challenged it no one ever showed to pick up. So BEWARE.  Because of this Ellouise has called the local police station about some type of coverage at the house during the funeral. And--the tasteful ad cards are arriving for photos and videos of all the events.

All that goes along with the "he has died" calls I hear Ellouise making starting with Social Security etc etc. Some require certified marriage certificates so her sister Kathy is making a quick stop at the Vital Records Office at the Mecklenburg County Court House as they drive through Charlotte Thursday.
There is a mountain of business stuff to take care of. "I have only touched the tip of the iceberg that sank the Titanic."

Ellouise cried today when the USAA agent said - '' we will retire his member number of 51 years and yesterday when her  cousin called and told her something thing her mother - one of Ellouise's favorite aunts - said when her husband died years ago - 
"you get up everyday and go on- that's what he would want!

OK, I know, I am just a stuffed lion  - - but as I listened and watched I understood.
Women need to connect with the love, strength and wisdom of the old ones  - - the survivors  - - of their Tribe.

Strange Days

Made in Venice in happier days.


These are strange days.
Jim died March 6. His funeral Mass is this coming Saturday - March 24 at 11 am at the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament, Chevy Chase, DC.
His Burial will be at Arlington National Cemetary when ever we are scheduled - which could be anytime up to months away.

My days are strange - filled with tears and event planning while caught in a limbo of waiting.

People are wonderfully kind and I deeply appreciate the beautiful flowers, food, calls, cards and emails.
I know now that its not the words you send that matter - its the fact that you thought to reach out that is the comfort.  Deepest thanks.

Our family has drawn close - which is such a gift.
But underneath the closeness I feel such an aloneness - missing Jim. I now have to learn how to navigate the world on my own.

Many have offered suggestions  - all good hearted and kind - - - but I remember meeting a woman on a train from Venice to Munich 25 years ago who told me her story as she wept in the seat next to me:
  "My husband died a few weeks ago. We had planned this trip to Europe - our first - and when he died - my niece convinced me to come with them as we had planned. That's why I am here. Making the trip without him - but it was a mistake to come. I should have waited... until I was ready."

The one thing I am sure of -- is that I will be telling stories. Jim wanted that for me - because I love it.
But more, he believed in me and in the value of my stories. A storyteller friend told me recently, " Ellouise, he told me how much he believed your stories are important and that they touch the people who hear them."

I will take time now to sort myself out.

My first scheduled date is the Capital Fringe, Washington, DC - July 2012 - when I will present PUSHING BOUNDARIES - my ERA memoir. Dates to be announced.
If you are in the area I hope you will come to hear this story of personal and social transformation.

Tales from Leo: More on Winding Up

Hello - Leo here. Just wanted to tell you how things are going. People have asked to post information about when Jim's funeral will be -- so instead of my writing it all out I am using parts of an email Ellouise wrote to her family this afternoon.

"We have just finalized the arrangements for Jim’s funeral, and I wanted to let you know what we are planning.  

We will be holding a funeral mass followed by a simple reception on Saturday, March 24^th at 11 am at our parish,church, the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament, in Chevy Chase (http://www.blessedsacramentdc.org/).      At the end of the mass before the reception there will be a short opportunity for sharing remembrances.  

The death notice will be published in the Washington Post the week of the funeral. 

It will be several months until Jim’s ashes can be interred at Arlington National Cemetery where he will have a full military honors ceremony.

As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family. We knew that Jim's cancer was winning this battle but we never expected he would go so quickly -- within only 2 weeks of coming home from the hospital. We are very grateful that we could care for him so that  he could pass away in his own home, which is what he so wanted.  

  

Jim and I appreciated all your prayers and well wishes throughout his illness, and we hope you will continue to pray for him.
 

Love,

Ellouise"

If you are wondering how Ellouise is getting along, I can tell you she has good times and sad times. Her tribe has gathered around her and that helps tremendously and she will be forever grateful for their watching out for her - as well as for all the sweet kindnesses of many people.

She is focused on home and her family but I heard her tell a friend, "I think storytelling may save me later ---- that's what Jim wanted."

Tales from Leo: Winding Up

Hello. It's Leo here.

Jim has died. March 6 at 4:15 pm. In his bed at home with Ellouise holding him.
 Ellouise and her closest family had time at home with him afterwards - I heard Ellouise saying, "this is one of the rewards of being with Hospice and staying at home."

Watching them I can tell you it was loving, beautiful and a very special time.

Ellouise told the Hospice Chaplin that she will write about this experience later but right now she is very busy
with arrangements for his Memorial Mass. "I want it to celebrate his life and to be something he would love."

There is a little time. Robin and her family will return from California. Jim will be buried later at Arlington National Cemetery.

How is Ellouise? Incredibly sad --- but making it through with help from her family and from her "tribe"... some close by and some from far away who come and wash the dishes, make Ratatouille, sing songs, send cards, call, write - or post.
She sends love to all.

Leo Tales: Going On

Hello. Its Leo here.

I haven't written before because Ellouise has not plugged in her computer since my last post. "Its too private to write about." she told her daughter Robin.

But I can tell you a few things about working with Hospice because I watch everything that happens here that has to do with Jim.

When a patient comes under the care of Montgomery Hospice they are assigned to a team: a chaplin, a social worker and the RN - their nurse. All fine and caring people!
In Jim's case he as also assigned a health care aide - the marvelous Elizabeth - who now comes five days a week to take care of him. He trusts her completely and she is a blessing in their lives.

In what I see Ellouise is the main caregiver- meaning she handles all the medicines, the food and general care etc. It is a big job and some nights she is really tired out. She finally went out to get her hair cut the other day and Jim said, "good" when she came home. I heard the nurse telling her "you have to take care of yourself. I tell that to all my families." She says, "its hard to leave - - "

The family has stepped in - and someone is here all the time - to be with Jim, to help with the care and to support Ellouise. They are a wonderful bunch who love their dad quite a lot. I heard Ellouise tell Jim, "We are so blessed."

The long and the short of it is that finally she called an agency and hired a CNA - that's a certified nursing aide and a strong, gentle and compassionate Ethiopian man entered their lives. Ellouise still manages Jim's care and medicines but now they have back-up and support from someone who is capable and well-trained. I heard Ellouise tell Jim's RN, "look I am a nursing school drop-out -- what do I know?"

"Ellouise, TLC is your medicine! Your job is to love him".

"Well that's not a problem for me. I have been loving him for 57 years."

Leo Tales - Connecting

Hello, again. Leo here.

I tell you the people around here are really big on connecting - with each other as well as with folks who live far away.

Their son has set up the televison set so that they can talk to family members and friends from coast to coast on Skype and the iPhone talk program. I forget what they call it.  They have choices. They can dial on something called Skype, or they can use Ellouise's iPad or you know what they talk to pictures on their iPhones.

The other night they called Ellouise's sister in Indiana. She was talking on her little iPhone and they were talking at this end on the iPad.  But it matched up and they were all laughing and enjoying it. Jim held the dog up to see what was going on but they completely forgot about me. That's OK. They were a sight to watch.

This house can  be pretty noisy. Every one of the folks around here has a cell phone of some kind and the phones all play a different tune when it rings.  I have noticed that Ellouise only answers her cell phone. She has started letting what she calls the "Home phone" ring through and then she returns calls later. I heard her tell her daughter, "I am so grateful friends are calling to see how we are getting along and I do want to talk to everybody - but there is so much to do here that sometimes I can't stop what I am doing - right on the minute the phone rings - so I call back. I hope people understand."

Ellouise and Jim both text - and that's by far the quieter way.

Yea, they are settling in. Establishing a routine in a new normal.

Leo Tales 1

Hello. My name is Leo.

Ellouise and Jim's friend Susan brought me to Jim as his new mascot when he was in Sibley Hospital last week.  She told him she chose me - a lion with a red velvet heart around my neck - because he is a lion of a man with a big heart.

Jim was discharged from Sibley last Friday and is now at home with Ellouise taking care of him. Montgomery Hospice is supporting Jim's case. They say their goal is to provide care and comfort to the patient and support for the families and especially the principal care-giver - that's Ellouise.

Ellouise tells people she is learning that being under the wings of hospice means more than just end-of life care. Studies show that hospice care can actually support improvement in a patient's status.

1. Today Jim's team came for a visit - to meet Jim and Ellouise and the family. The team is comprised of a chaplin, a social worker and a nurse (RN). The members of this team are an amazingly good fit for Jim and the family. These three will guide all aspects of Jim's care as well as work with the family.

2. Ellouise, with help from family members, is the principal care-giver. It is a 24/7 all-encompassing job until Jim regains some of his strength and can ambulate more on his own as they all hope he will.

3. Fortunately having Jim's office suite on the ground floor of their home provides a comfortable setting
for Jim and Ellouise. Although you could establish a patient zone in any place they are grateful for how their space is working out.

It is late. Ellouise is tired so this has to wind up for now. There are some who have followed and supported Jim in his struggle with cancer so I want to post for them to know how things are going and toask - please keep Jim in your prayers.

Finding Quilt Scraps

Going through my photos I found this picture I took of the auditorium when Jim and I visited at Piedmont Junior High School in Charlotte, NC last February. I was on a pilgrimage to my past in observance of my 75th birthday.

People who move away from their childhood hometowns are probably the ones who make these kinds of trips to the past. For me as a storyteller its also a way to freshen the memories or find things that I have forgotten.

When I pulled open the side door to the auditorium I was transported across the years to 1949 - 1951. The room has been restored and it looks exactly as it did on the first day of the seventh grade. That felt so good! I remembered when our seventh grade home room danced the minuet for a George Washington's Birthday program. We had practiced the dance for a month and in class time folded pink crepe paper into cherry blossoms to attach to a large limb that became the fabled cherry tree.

Miss Phoebe Reynolds was my 7th grade homeroom teacher. It took me weeks to look at her first name and pronounce it correctly. Miss Reynolds was in charge of the audio-visuals - which in that time was the 16 mm movie projector. Several boys set up the projector, loaded the film and then ran the movie during the class period. I was fascinated by that movie projector. I aggravated the boys until they showed me how to set it up and load the film. When Miss Reynolds saw that I had mastered it she recruited me to their team and I showed the Kotex menstruation films for the 8th grade Home Ec classes. Finally she relented and assigned me to more than the "girl" films.

I told my first true family story in Miss Reynolds class. It was exhilarating to hear my classmates laughing at my father's antics. Never forgot that great feeling. My start as a storyteller.

More memory scraps for my "me" quilt.

How is your quilt coming along?

Today's epiphany

My cousin says her husband recently stumped her with this joke:

"how many Vietnam vets does it take to put in a light bulb?" when she finally gave up he laughed.
" How could you know. You weren't there."

I laughed.

And then the message really hit me.

How can we judge any situation we have not lived
and more to the point
give advice on how somebody who is living it
should handle things?

A bit like the old adage
you don't understand until
you walk in my shoes.

What ever -

I am going to try to remember the joke and my epiphany.

NEW Video: Conversation with storyteller Donna Ingham

When Texas storyteller Donna Ingham came to Washington last month for some sightseeing we were happy to schedule an evening of her stories at Friendship Heights Village Community Center and this interview for Stories in Focus. She tells us that she was thrust into storytelling and I for one am really glad that happened. Enjoy!

A Lucky Find

This stash of letters between two young people in North Carolina was a very lucky find.

There are 68 letters dated 1942 - 1944 in this bundle I found in a collection of family papers being sold in a used bookstore. They came from an old woman's attic in Charlotte, NC.

The letters are all written by the same young man to his sweetheart, Jane, from the time he was in a boarding school, to his days as a college student at The Citadel in South Carolina and then Davidson College in North Carolina. In 1944 the boy was drafted into the Army and the subjects of the letters shifts from parties to combat training.

When I found them they were tied together with a blue ribbon - I presume Jane kept them. I wonder if they married and she kept the letters or - as happened in many cases - was he a casualty of the war - - and this packet of letters was her only connection with her young love.

He sounds so young and naieve as he declares himself to his love - pleading with her to write more often and to save dances for him. I imagined him as Robert Walker played the young soldier-grandson in the classic WWII home-front movie, Since You Went Away.  His love deepens in this two year period and he thinks of her endlessly when he goes away to the Army. He tells her of the fellowship with the other new soldiers and describes the card sharks and the wise guys in his barracks. He also writes of the battle trainings and although he does not say so out right he hints at his fear.

Through these letters you have a glimpse of the young men of WWII who were pulled away from schools, colleges and jobs and sent to battle.

I  love old letters. They are a magic carpet to the past.

Paperwork

Meditation
collage
e. schoettler


Trying to catch up with paperwork.
I have come to the place where its so overdue - I can throw some away.
Now that's not all bad.
Would be better if I saw that in the first place and did not hang on to it.
To Clutter up the desk, the dining room table and my mind.

I need to remind myself who's boss here

I make these to-do lists myself.

Well, lady, its time to ease up a bit.

Do you cut yourself some slack?

Red Socks

You have to love red socks!


Feeling very with-it tonight.  I ordered my groceries from www.Safeway.com today. Did not to leave the house to  finish my shopping. Tomorrow the truck will come and the driver will carry the bags into  tthe house.  Wow. $9.95 fee for that strikes me as reasonable. I saved more than that in the impulse spending I could not do. A new era dawns.

And - - it saves on gas and reduces our carbon foot print.

That sounds like four birds with one stone to me!

Keeping it Cool

The latest slogan around is Old is the New Cool. At 75 I agree - but there is also a hitch. Old also has powerful surprises in store and getting old is not for the faint hearted.

For the time being Jim and I are some what home bound as he recovers from what turned out to be a small stroke.

We are so fortunate - it was an infarct - a small clot - - which is now dissolving. At first he could not say clearly what he was thinking and his balance was off -- he became a fall risk.  Anyone who has experienced this knows how frustrating it is for the patient and everyone else - and how scary the question "will it get better" is.

In Jim's case - with the assistance of a physical therapist and a speech therapist who come to our house, a nurse who checks in and good doctors things are turning out well. God Bless Medicare and our health insurance.

Oh, did I mention me - as the full time Nurse Ratchett. I come free.

We have learned a few things:

Keep everything simple from cooking to household chores.

Keep laughing and stay engaged with the outside world through TV, computer and telephone - avoid the
    feeling of isolation as much as you can.

Keeping up with the treatment schedule is a challenge. 3 therapists (who come to the home), a nurse,   and an aide - plus visits outside to doctors. We can't move without consulting our calendar.  Fortunately my career includes several jobs where I organized and coordinated challenging projects - - all that experience is coming in handy these days. Everyone does their calendars differently - just be sure you have one ---and oh, yes, keep the phone numbers. My brain these days is a hot pink composition book. I write everything in it.

Order groceries - Turn back the clock to your grandmother's day and sign up for Safeway and/or Giant delivery. Fortunately we have it in our area as well as pharmacies that bring medications to the door.

Make every trip to a doctor a stop and shop trip as well. I have started to plan my routes in order to
   pick up other stuff we need. Jim has become a patient car-sitter while I dash in and out of pharmacies, cleaners, and grocery stores.

Work with the therapist - our grand-daughter helps Jim with the speech-therapy homework, our son
   added newspapers and games to the iPad for Jim, Scrabble is a great game for word recognition and
   problem solving, also cross word puzzles. Physical therapy exercises are good time fillers.

The computer is a blessing for keeping up with work and staying in-touch.

You need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Our family has been wonderful. Bringing in groceries, doing dishes, carrying in wood, etc. etc. One night our son proved himself a good plumber so that I could keep washing. Our daughters scan the scene and just do what needs doing. And all of them visit frequently - laughter and conversation and hugs are great medicine.

Friends too. Prayers, wonderful cards and messages, and phone calls - because I can tell you from first   hand  - - the home-bound feel isolated - not just the patient but the spouse too. Something I never fully understood before. The old saying, "not until you walk in my shoes" is very real and true.
From the care-giver's side - there is not enough time in the day to get it all done.

However - its all worth it if you keep your eye on the prize.

Maybe that's the cool in old.

A Texas Welcome

Now, that's a real Texas long horn!

Better and Better

 
Hard to believe that Jim was released from the hospital two weeks ago today. We have been so busy settling into a new routine that the days have telescoped into each other.

For years we have said that this was a good house because it had a potential apartment on the ground floor - but you know I never really thought we would use these rooms as an apartment. Never say Never.  Its working quite well and living in this smaller space has convinced Jim and me that we really do not need the whole house - and maybe we will move - once we fill several dumpsters.

But first we are learning some valuable lessons. An unexpected upset in your life gives you some some new perspectives on what is really important.

I find that I get along just fine with fewer clothes - alternating several outfits and washing every night. Sure the rest of my wardrobe is upstairs and I could easily retrieve it - but why? That's just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much stuff - our treasures - filling our house and these days we get along perfectly well without any of it.

The real benefit is that Jim and I are together being there for each other as he gets better.
Its a beautiful time. People ask us how does it feel to be married to the same person for more than fifty years..... its richer than we ever imagined it would be. We are grateful.

Aesop and EEOV

Tonight I am selecting and practicing stories to tape tomorrow for Stories in Time
on Channel 16 and have decided to tell a few Aesop Fables. Re-reading and finding myself noticing and attracted to new fables.

How about Belling the Cat - for a relevant moral. The mice need a way to be warned when the cat is creeping up on them. Several smart one say, "lets put a bell around her neck."

"Good idea," they all agree until a wise elder asks the question -
"Who will put the bell around the cat's neck?"

Aesop's moral: "It's easy to come up with ideas but harder to put them into action."

Makes sense to me.


Manoli Canoli

Manoli Canoli is a former Connecticut Avenue Deli that's been redone into a charming Mediterrean-like retreat.

One night this week I had a nice dinner at
Manoli Canoli which is our favorite Chevy Chase restaurant. It reminds us of  a neighborhood ristorante you would find in Italy. Over five years it has become a familiar destination for locals and we often see people we know. This gives Manoli Canoli a small town feeling in a large metropolitan area.

Recently Laura Thornton wrote this article for the Chevy Chase Patch and told the story of this place.

Jim and I always order the Caprese for a starter - you know slices of homemade mozzarella cheese and tomatoes, drizzled with the house EVOO made in Greece - topped with fresh basil leaves. YUMMMM!

What's your favorite spot in your neighborhood?

Urban Deer at Lunch

Urban deer enjoying a mid-afternoon snack of the lawn at the Audubon Naturalist Society, Chevy Chase, MD.

Urban growth, the felling of trees on an acreage to make way for new elegant houses to be exact, displaced their ancestors a dozen years ago and they fled to a near-by refuge of the wooded grounds of the Audubon.

They love to snack on grasses and anything remotely lovely that grows in your yard cutting the leaves precisely with their sharp little teeth.

However, I still love seeing them on our neighborhood street because it makes me feel a bit closer to Nature.