ON A TIGHT ROPE

Good for him. He juggles and keeps himself upright on the high wire.
I am absolutely flat out impressed!!!!

Consider Asparagus

I buy and cook asparagus often.
 Its easy, dresses up a meal and I love it.  

I am so known to love asparagus, especially the slender, baby spears, that Jim's mother used to stock the refrigerator and have the bright green bundles waiting for me on our visits to California. I have eaten it for breakfast, lunch and supper. Asparagus as a side with scrambled eggs - ambrosia.

Growing up Mama bought canned asparagus at the Big Star on Central Avenue when she wanted to dress up a special meal - you know, the fat, muddy green, soggy spears. She would put them on a platter with a huge dollop of creamy Duke's mayonnaise - maybe some red tomato slices -as a side dish. Even then I liked them - mostly because they were supposed to be a special treat.

I don't remember the exact time or place I discovered fresh cooked asparagus but after that moment there was no going back.

It might have been about the time I discovered that green beans did not have to be cooked with fat-back until they were black - although that is the way I like them best and will feast until I am full on the memories of my grandmother's house on East Seventh Street.

Do you like the picture? Here is the recipe. Thanks to SimplyRecipes.com


Asparagus Recipe

• Cook time: 10 minutes

Add to shopping list

Ingredients

• 1 bunch of medium sized asparagus, about 1 lb
• 2 Tbsp of the most exquisite extra virgin olive oil
• 2 Tbsp freshly grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 teaspoon lemon zest - freshly grated lemon rind
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method

1 Prepare the asparagus by rinsing them thoroughly, break off any tough, white bottoms and discard. Cut into 1 to 2 inch sections, slicing the asparagus at a slight diagonal.
2 Fill a medium sized saucepan half way with water, bring to a boil. Add the asparagus and reduce heat slightly to a simmer. Parboil the asparagus for exactly 2 minutes. Drain the hot water. While the asparagus are still hot, toss them in a bowl with the olive oil, Parmesan, and lemon rind. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve warm or room temperature.
Note that when you are working with so few ingredients, it's important to make sure they are of the highest quality.

Yield: Serves 4.

 

My iPad and me.

I love my iPad because I can watch movies on it whenever I please! Chosing my own entertainment without commercial interruptions is great. Makes me feel like I am taking a bit of control in my life.

A year ago I signed up for Netflix Instant Play so I am no longer tied to a DVD disk - to order or return or a pre-set schedule on TV.

I used to watch old movies on TV when I went to bed but now the iPad gives my late night viewing a greater reach. Don't be fooled that I am screening anything heavy or good for my brain. No, I prefer light weight entertainment.

Watching all the episodes of Saturday Night Lights was what hooked me. 

Even though Frasier has been a regular repeating show for years I had never watched the program. Well now I am gradually nearing the end of the endless list of episodes. I love Niles, Frasier and their father - to my taste they are a wonderful comic trio. I have to admit that David Hyde Pierce who places Niles Crane is my favorite -
his ridiculous, but often truthful relationship with his older brother delights my funny bone. How about you?

 I love movies - even some of the dumb made- for- TV stories. Give me a funny romantic comedy and I will forgive most dramatic sins in exchange for a few laughs and smiles.

But don't mis-understand - I still read too. My current books are loaded on my Kindle App on the iPad. No more heavy books to hold in bed - just have to be sure the iPad is charged.

That's OK with me.

Having the iPad is like having someone read you to sleep.

What's not to love?

After seeing a Charlie Rose Show

Ellouise Schoettler

I would like to write fast and funny essays for the blog  - but you know something, I don't think I know how anymore.

It's not writer's block exactly - its lack of a world view.

What does that mean?

It means that I have been so totally focused on the everyday of my own life for the past three years that it has narrowed my vision for what is going on in the big world. I imagine others who live with serious illness, theirs or that of a loved one, may feel the same.

So, if you read this blog - please be patient with me as I try to creak myself around to change my focus and take a look at the world around me.

I am working on it.

Last night I watched a recent Charlie Rose Show where he was interviewing writer George Saunders.
I love to watch fellow North Carolinian Charlie Rose even though I do have to over look that he went to Duke not Carolina (UNC). 

George Saunders

Although I don't remember all they said to each other I was taken with Saunders' openness about the difficulties of writing. He talked about the need to let the work take its own direction - not to pre-plan so that you squeeze the life out of it.

That's a bit like the way I work - whether working out a new oral story or typing freely to see if something comes together - as I am doing now.

Saunders defended himself because he has never written a novel even though his new book of short stories, Tenth of December is high on the New York Times Best Seller list. Would you believe that there are some in the literary world who are punching him about that?  Read about it   HERE.

Listening to him I liked him and all the more when he added that once his wife gives a first draft the thumbs up - he works and re-works the piece to give the prose an electric spark. I loved that!! His wife is his muse and he admits it. How great is that? Read more about him in this in-depth interview.

Now I have to read his new book - Tenth of December.

Cut and Paste

Collage Book - e. schoettler

I love to work with magazines and rely on accident and serendipity to make the composition.

Resemblances and Stories = Family Blessings

Looking Back

Remsemblances and stories are a blessing.

My son Jim - recently brought out this picture taken when he was a Junior or Senior at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, MD. He was about 22 years old.
 

Jim and I - along with with Karen and Robin - went to Hopkins for the ceremony when he was inducted into the Army ROTC.  I pinned on his Lt's Bar.

Next week - now a Colonel - he is retiring from the U.S. Army  - after 35 years of service as a JAG Officer - on active duty and then in the active Reserve. There are several ceremonies in store for his family next week.

We will miss Jim's being there - smiling proudly

Pictures affirm a connection and make a story -

Jim, Sr. - at Fresno State College

at 22 years old.

Do you see it like I do?

Resemblances and stories are family blessings.

Protect yourself - Redux

a nice stranger at the 2012 National Storytelling Festival in October took this photo for me using my iPhone.

A few months ago I added the Blogger APP to my iPad - wrote this post and then forgot I had down loaded the APP- until today when Linda Crim mentioned her recent blogging from her iPad.
So, I looked up the Blogger App on my iPad and set out to download this post.  It was a bit confusing. 

I will be working with this APP more now that I have found it again because I have a STORYTELLING  TOUR to South Carolina and Georgia in April and it would be great to keep up wth emails, blogs and my writing work without having to cart my full size MAC computer along. One of my dreams is to lighten my load to travel with the three Apples - iPad, iPod and iPhone. Well, OK - a camera. Wouldn't that be wonderful??

First written in October 2012. It is still good advice.
 
My sister came for a week which turned into 10 days when she developed bronchitis. It was a warm and good visit. It is now eight months since Jim died...and I appreciated her being here because I needed her support now..perhaps even more than earlier.

Ok I have done many hard tasks during these months but there was one looming that was harder than I expected and I really needed a sister to be with me. 

Jim and I held everything ..we thought..jointly. But, I came to find out that one thing had slipped through. The title on our car was only in Jim's name. The license tags were due for renewal so they could not be out off.

Kathy went with me to fix it. I had a packet of papers: Jim's death certificate, the original title, the Administration paper naming me Executor of the estate, insurance info, and my drivers license. Fortunately I navigated the line fairly quickly because as I stood in line holding those documents I began to tear up as it "hit" me emotionally. I was here to accomplish one more separation from Jim. No, you don't get used to it...

My voice broke and I cried when the woman took the title, refused to copy it saying, "you don't need it" before she realized the emotional impact I was experiencing, relented and copied it for me. 

So, here is my advice: if you are married check your holdings and have everything in joint names. It will save you from extra emotional anguish later. 

Royals

Trolling memories. Thinking about a new story.

My grandfather had a royal upright on the desk in his home office. I loved it ..the look of it: the sound of the letters hitting the paper: the scaping sound when you pulled the carriage across to return to start. And then...the words appeared on a piece of paper.  Magic.

When my mother typed her fingers flew across the keys as she filled pages with words. She was a 

professional secretary. Once she was secretary to the District Attorney and she worked in the Court 

House, a big important building downtown.

After my grandfather died my grandmother bought a portable typewriter for her smaller apartment. I was overjoyed when she gave the old Royal Upright to my daddy. I could type my high school papers on it but they were always plagued with typos. One night when my mother saw the pile of crumpled papers on the floor beside me my 

mother told me to move over and she typed my paper for me. It was perfect.

But the adolescent stories did not have to be perfect so I typed them myself.  Clicking and clacking the keys as I reached for the words I needed.

Shortly after we were married Jim and I went to the Goodwill 

Store in Baltimore and bought a Royal upright typewriter for $20...and a good sized executive desk for $10 ... a lot of money for our budget. 

The oversize kitchen in our row house apartment was the warmest room so we put the desk there making it our first quasi home office. Jim typed his medical student  papers and letters on it.

I had always had a hankering to be a writer so I spent the lonely evenings when Jim was

working or studying typing stories, long letters and anything else I  could think of.  

It started the pattern we followed for the next 56  years.

Old Rose

Ken Burns Equation for Story

Fourteen years ago I attended a long workshop with Donald Davis in Killington, VT. Since then I make sure I work with him at least once a year not just for what he has to say about my stories but for insights and wisdom about story - - and about life. Donald was in top form this last week-end during his workshop in Maryland with nine tellers who were all working on challenging complicated stories. His insights and feedback led discussions that spurred the tellers forward as they ready their stories for performance. But over time I have learned that all the gold is not just in the direct teaching or discussions. I listen for the "pearls" Donald often drops in story sessions and with the storytellers at the lunch table. This week-end he mentioned Ken Burns and his You Tube clip "on Story". Later I watched the clip not once but twice on my iPad. See what you think.

Just asking

In 2005 Jim and I made this photo collage abacus for an exhibition to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.

It was a great way to dispose of several
boxes of family photos.


Wondering....

What do I do with the abacus - which is stored in a very large box in my studio.

Just asking...........

Take Care of Yourself

 Tick Tock!
Multi-tasking all day.
Jumping from one list to another.
Yikes!
Its easy to lose your place and find yourself backing up.



 The Flu warnings and reports on CNN get my attention.
Reminds me of 1958 - the year they said was the worst Flu Epidemic since 1919.

Jim was an intern at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY
When all the beds in the patient wards were full they set up
  beds in the hallways and every where else they could fit one in.
Jim did not come home for days to protect me and year-old Jimmy.

Those were the days before flu shots and hand sanitizers.
Today we do have some things to use to protect ourselves - and then hope they work.

When these warnings started Jim always checked things out and advised me what to do.  Today I really understand that I don't think I fully appreciated how lucky I was to have my 24/7 doctor standing by. Our family had concierge medicine before anyone ever thought of calling it that or charging for it.

That's just another thing on the list that I miss without Jim. All the "grief" books explain that seeing the impact someone has had on  your life - is part of the pain of the loss. What's really sad about it to me - is not being able to say thank you.

Jim had a few standard orders which I am already doing -
as well as
washing my hands and
feeling glad I stopped off at the Safeway to have my Flu shot when I was in California. Isn't it great that these days Flu shots are so easily accessible -
 
What do you do to keep yourself well?

What does your doctor advise you to do?

Cutting down on Connecting

 

When I make my lists for the day or week or month - I often feel kind of like I am trying to tame my world - - but no matter how I crack the whip I never feel completely "in charge."

You know something?
The truth is I am NOT in charge  - because I like to be connected.

My fascination with technology has me in its grip.

Checking Facebook and my email eats up time and distracts me from my list.  Instead of staying on my list something alluring or demanding  pops up that sets me on a totally different course or adds a few more things to the list I had already made for myself.

There was a time when  I set up in my studio, began a project,  and got lost for hours at a time. Haven't done that in a while. Or, made a list and ended the day with most of the chores crossed off - rather than carried over to another day. There were times when I actually started the day with a clean slate. Do you remember those as "good old days?"

I do and I miss them. 

So, I guess the only solution is to turn that whip on myself - and work at taming my curiosity about all the worlds open for viewing on Facebook and the Internet.

It will be interesting to see if I really can curb my appetite - and ration the amount of time I connect every day.

Hmmmmm?

More will be revealed.

Review of 2012 - Preview 2013

Here is a quick look at 2012 as I pack it away and move on. Sorry it sounds so much like a job review - but the year has been so complicated emotionally this is probably the only way for me to tackle this task. I want to let everyone know although I had the breath knocked out me I am standing on my feet and working.

When Jim died March 6 my world was shattered. We were married 56 years and the world without him still often feels empty. I am extremely fortunate to have a loving family and good friends who have stepped in to help me back to my feet. I am emensely grateful and hope to "pay forward" all the kindnesses shown to me.

 Jim thought storytelling would be grace and a life perserver for me - he was right. I was back telling stories by the end of March thanks to Jessica Piscitelli Robinson and Better Said Than Done.

Mid-July I was on stage for five shows of my one-woman show Pushing Boundaries at the DC Capital Fringe.

August 1 was Jim's burial at Arlington National Cemetary - where the ritual was powerful and healing. Since then I visit Arlington every Wednesday - and it probably will not surprise any one that my new program at the Fringe July 2013 centers on Arlington - blending history and personal story

In October I attended the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN with a warm group of friends. It was an emotionally difficult trip but hearing the stories and reconnecting with folks was worth it. Particularly seeing the fabulous Jeanne Robertson in person. She was everything I expected - actually more.


While I adapted to this very different life I kept up a storytelling calendar which included telling stories for the VASA Olio in Lorton, VA, and the Showcase produced by Voices in the Glen in Bethesda; kept up the weekly TV tapings of Stories in Focus and occasionaly tapings of Stories in Focus with guests. As well as producing the monthly Tales in the Village at Friendship Heights Village Community Center.

Two special events: An evening for me was telling stories for a House Concert in Manassas, VA with my friend WVA storyteller Susanna Holstein. And being a guest on the Fairfax VA cable tv show, "Out of the Past", with my long-time friend Lee Shephard.

 In October my sister Kathy, who lives in Georgia,  came for a visit. We made a sentimental journey to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore where Jim and I met and lived for the first couple years of our marriage. Kathy came and stayed with us a month in the first summer so we shared memories of the place and time.

My daughter Karen and I spent Thanksgiving with my sister Lynda and her husband Henry in North Carolina. It was a lovely time - and, surprise, surprise - I returned with a new story, Avon, about Henry's mother, which he gave me permission to tell.

Ended the year with a very special trip with our family to California - where we visited Jim's family and celebrated Christmas. Then home in time to be here for December 30th - our 57th wedding anniversary. All I can say about this year is that "Firsts" are tough challenges -- with a bit of comfort in the fact that the "firsts" are done. By New Year's I was pretty worn out with firsts - Now as I enter 2013 - there is one more First ahead - the anniversary of Jim's death March 6.

There are some challenges on my storytelling calendar I am really looking forward to - especially a bit of travel own south which includes Stone Soup Storytelling Festival, April 19 and 2013  in Woodruff, SC and taking "Finding Gus" to Anderson, SC April 21 - for those who may not know - that's taking Gus back to his boyhood home area.

Next week-end I am starting off the year with our annual private workshop with storyteller Donald Davis - now that's kicking things off on a high note!

Happy New Year to Everyone.

Christmas - es Past

Christmas Eve 2012

This is our family's first Christmas without Jim. We have all come to Avila Beach where we have had several fun holidays together. Being here softens this FIRST a bit with other distractions - but we all know something important is missing. None-the-less this one is also part of the "memory box". And must be added to the collection - Growing the story - as family stories grow over the years. Christmas 2004 Jim and I flew to Robin's a week before Christmas and our daughter Karen arrived in Lafayette several days before Christmas. I wrote about Christmas Past then too.

Remembering California Christmas Eve 1974
Around the dinner table at Robin's tonight, everyone was taking a turn telling something about a Christmas Past.

Brad talked of a memorable Illinois Christmas at his grandparents house. Jamie, Robin and Brad's oldest, begged the question, not sure that this year might not be the one he would talk about later.

When it was our daughter Karen's turn she laughed.
"Ofcourse I remember the year I got all the stuff."
She paused and then added,
" but there is the Christmas Eve we were out here, in Madera, at Grandma's and we went to Yosemite."

Jim and Robin and I nodded. "Oh, yes."

This is not our first California Christmas.

My husband is a California native. He went to medical school on the East Coast and ended up staying out there. Jim's father died in March 1974.

We came back to California with our three kids for Christmas that year so that all the family would be together. It was a wonderful reunion of aunts, uncles, and cousins as those anniversaries often are.

Christmas Eve dawned. All the resident families had chores to do and fixings to complete for the holiday. We were at loose ends and in some ways in the way.

Jim suggested we take our kids for their introduction to Yosemite - only a 90 minute drive away.

As we climbed toward the mountains we met snow. There were snow capped peaks ahead as we drove through lightly dusted hills and valleys.

We stopped for breakfast at a lodge near the entrance to Yosemite Park. The dining room had a cathedral ceiling and large windows framed breathtaking views of the snow capped mountain peaks.

A floor to ceiling grey stone fireplace dominated one end of the room. Standing near-by was a 20 foot evergreen tree. The top just missed the rough hewn ceiling rafters. The room was perfumed with a mixture of spruce and wood smoke. The thick farm pancakes and maple syrup were as perfect as the setting.

We entered Yosemite Park through a tunnel. As we emerged the monumental El Capitan
stood before us on the left.


Ahead on the right we saw a bright white streak against a sheer rock face where
Bridal Veil Falls was frozen solid.
We were all so awed that we spoke in the same hushed voices we use in church.

The air was cold and crisp and pure. The skies overhead were bright blue with an occasional white cloud floating by.

Ours was the only car at the vista point. And that was how it continued all day. We saw no more than three cars all day. We owned the park.

Deer grazed in snow covered clearings.
When we walked toward a creek we heard the rushing water before we saw
it tumbling over the rocks. At every twist in the road there was a new view of the white capped Sierra peaks that surround Yosemite Valley.
Half-dome dominates and is my favorite sight.

That was thirty years ago today - but I can see it as clearly as if it were yesterday.

How could we have known that we were capturing a timeless moment that would live for each of us - -

Today I think of it as the day we spent in the Presence of God -

and I am so grateful we shared it as a family. Back to the present: I had not connected coming to California in 1974 to be with the family after Hal's death with this trip - but there it is. I suggested coming to Avila Beach because Jim had really wanted to come to California before he died - and is time ran out. So here we are - partly to make the trip for him.

Aunt Ida's Nightgown - A Christmas Story

I never really knew my mother's Aunt Ida - but I haven't forgotten her because this Christmas story keeps her alive in my memory. Do you have stories that bring back memories of long-ago members of your family?

Watching the Skies

Watching the skies tonight because the rest of my family is flying out so that we will all be together for this "first" Christmas without Jim. ** Since our daughter married and started her family Jim and I came here every other year for the Holidays - often flying on Christmas Day meaning we shared Midnight Mass with Jimmy's family on the East Coast and were on the West Coast for Dinner on Christmas Day. Lafayette, CA, outside San Francisco, is not a strange territory for me. ** Today I climbed and I do mean climbed into the Ford Explorer that I am renting. This behemoth and I are making peace with each other. Actually I am beginning to enjoy driving it - - except for parking. ** Since it was a lovely sunny day I took pictures around town - from the Library to a local thrift store. And, I finally had my chance to photograph the Lafayette Crosses. This field of white crosses, begun in 2006, are tribute to men and women in the Armed Services who died in Iraq. The field is a local non-official monument on private property which touches your heart.

Share your stories for the Holidays

My friend Lee Shephard turned the tables on me when he interviewed me on his cable tv show, "Out of the Past". We had a grand time and I told several stories. First a taste of Finding Gus and then a quick version of the Elephant Man, a story from Elmwood Cemetary. Both stories are true and both use genealogy and family history as the content of the story. ** Hope you enjoy the stories and that during the holidays you are telling lots of your own family stories. Happy Holidays

Close to home

Here is an old story that reminds us to look at home for the treasure in our lives. Peddlar of Swatham from Ellouise Schoettler on Vimeo. What is treasure anyway? Gold? Goods? or the love and people in your life. At one time in my life, I admit, I went for the gold and goods - now I think more about the people being the treasure.

Jim ofcourse. ** Even though Jim is "out-of-sight" he is "ever-present" to me and my most valuable treasures are the love and years we shared. Our children and their families and our extended families. ** Friends ** Memories and stories - their value was once again wonderfully clear when I visited with Jim's sister, brother and their spouses this week-end, telling stories that brought Jim back into the group with us. Just as my sisters and I shared stories earlier this Fall - - stories are the glue that bind us aren't they. ** I have a pamphlet on Grief and Grieving by Doug Manning a Texas minister, in which he talks about how important it is to focus on the significance in your life of someone you have lost, how important it is to really understand what they meant in your life - as you grieve for them. ** The process of fully understanding what someone meant in your life is both a joy and an agony. Because now they are gone. You can't tell them.** Wouldn't it be wonderful to do that before you lose them - so that we know how incredibly rich we are? And, that they know they are the treasure? ** Just saying.

At home.

Today our country is mourning - mourning the deaths of twenty innocents in Connecticutt yesterday - and we hurt for and with the parents and families left in shock. ** This morning I wake up in a familiar hotel room in Jim's home town in California. We have stayed here many times since 1974 and even slept a few nights in this very room. I feel warm and comforted being here. Its as though I have stepped back in time - - I am home. Amazingly, Jim is here. ** Last night Robin and I had dinner in the restaurant downstairs with his brother, sister-in-law, sister and brother-in-law. We share the deep bond of loving Jim. Even when we are not talking about him we feel the connection. ** I was afraid of coming here. Afraid I would be overhelmed by grief and emotion. I am overwhelmed but its by the love and connection to Jim. Family. ** Dispite his own illness, Jim's brother came to visit Jim several weeks before he died. They sat together in our make-shift hospital room at home, saying little, feeling lots. I realized last night that Tom had not felt closure until we came and we could sit together. The same with his sister, who was too ill to travel. ** We will meet this morning to share Mass at San Joachim's where we have all prayed together and where we were all together for the funerals of Jim's parents and his sister. I know it will knit us still closer as we finally share prayers for Jim. ** One afteroon last February when he was in Sibley hospital, Jim fell silent. When I asked what he was thinking about he answered, "I am just wondering where you will be ten months from now." ** Now we know. ** Here in Madera - with him. ** As much as I feel my grief comforted this morning my thoughts circle back to the grieving parents of the innocent children in Connecticut -- just starting on their journey. I think of my daughter Gretchen who died when she was three years old- remembering walking that path and I pray for them. ** God Bless them with the strength to find their peace and comfort.

Together

Today is the 48th anniversary of our daughter Gretchen's death. I have been thinking about her today - and about Jim. Jim was on active duty in the Air Force, stationed at Andrews Air Force Base outside Washington, when Gretchen died suddenly. My uncle, an Army Colonel, advised Jim to exercise his Arlington option saying, "you can always move her later." But we never did and now Gretchen and Jim are together in Arlington - where I will someday join them. Feels right to me.

Coming to Ground

Hard for me to believe it has been nearly two weeks since I have written here. There has been a lot going on....but nothing I wanted to share particularly.

I have gotten a few jaunty Christmas letters from dear friends. This is not one of those. I can't point to many high points this past year. The best I can do is let folks know "I get out of bed everyday." People have been wonderful in helping me transition to this new life, in fact several angels have appeared to hold my hand. "Grieving" is hard work. For those who might not know - my husband Jim died in March and just to see if we were on our toes we had to wait for five months for his burial at Arlington National Cemetary. Two funerals, no matter how lovely, and his were, is just a bit much in one year. So, as I was saying, grieving is hard work. I just don't get as much done and am certainly not as efficient. All the books and articles on grief - and there are hundreds, assure me this is normal. I am glad to hear that but can't say that it helps much. Storytelling is the a grace and helps heaps. But now - - add a holiday. Wham - that really slows you down. I solved several parts of that by deciding not to decorate my house for Christmas. No tree this year. Jim and I loved putting up the Christmas Tree and we kept ornaments from every year. We still have a few left from the first time we had our own tree in 1957. Jim was an Intern at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. On his $63/month salary we had NO money to spend. But when another intern took us to Bargaintown USA - one of the first big box stores, we bought several boxes of shiny, colorful thin glass ornaments for $1.50 a box. Several have survived although the silver sprinkles have turned black. No, I am not taking a trip down memory lane as I unwrap every ornament. Instead I packed up and went out of town for an away-cation. Found someone who loves animals to live in my house for a few weeks to feed and love the animals. So far that's working out really well. United Airlines brought me to sunny California and its G O O D to be here with my daughter and her family in the sunny hills around San Francisco. This away-cation is a very sentimental journey. California is Jim's home state. He loved it. We came often to see his family and then our daughter moved out here and we came even more often to see her and subsequently our grand-sons. I am back in part as escape from home and in another part because Jim wanted to come to California but time ran out before he could. I was worried about coming. Wise Facebook friends shared many thoughts about what I should bring to support me through it. And I brought something of everything they advised from journals to that mouthy stuffed lion, Leo. He is the stand-in for Jim because Leo was on Jim's bedside table during the last leg of his journey. Last night I had dinner with long-time friends - one, Jim's college room-mate and Best Man at our wedding, reminded me of stories I had heard but forgotten. He brought back some wonderful memories - especially of one night he, Jim and I and one of my nursing school classmates visited the Lincoln and the Jefferson Memorial at night - when they were bathed in moonlight. Oh, yes, I remember that - and Jim and I often took folks to those monuments at night because we knew how beautiful they were then. As well as other stories - - stories of a good friend. He told me how Jim called him when he had his stroke 15 years ago and rehearsed him on the answers with the psychiatrist the next day so that he could go home. And, it worked - just as he had sometimes coached him when they were in college. Gifts! Yes, I cried. Wouldn't you? But the tears felt warm - and healing. Once again - learning - the healing is in the stories.

Circling

Neil Gaiman won the Newberry Prize for The Graveyard Book. I read it, loved it and have it on my bookshelf. Let me tell you what led me to read it. One afternoon when Jim and I were driving back from PA we listened to a fascinating NPR interview with author Neil Gaiman. He was talking about his new book, The Graveyard Book. Gaiman told about taking his small child to a near-by graveyard to play twenty years ago and how, watching his youngster, the germ of the idea of a child being raised in a graveyard began to jell. Nobody Owens or Bod is the boy in this book who is raised by a community of ghosts. I had to get the book into my hands as quickly as possible. It reminded me of Mama. Mama told me from my earliest memory that she was “raised in Elmwood Cometary.”

Mama’s daddy died when she was about 18 months old. Granny was devastated. Everyday she took Mama with her when she drove to Elmwood, parked at the grave and sat with Gus Keasler – every day for eight year.

As Mama got older she was more and more restless on these long visits and Granny let her get out of the car. Mama had the run of the marble garden. She climbed over the statuary and eventually read the tombstones. She knew where everyone was buried. She could lead you right to anyone that she or Granny had known. She could tell you about them.

When Mama was about 90 years old our son Jim and his family went to Charlotte to visit her. She asked him to drive her out to Elmwood for a visit. Once they were parked she led them through the grounds, telling stories, introducing them to all the family. When I mentioned it to her she said – ” Of course I could do that. I was raised in Elmwood Cemetery.” When reading Gaiman’s book I enjoyed and admired the language, the images, and I liked the characters in the ghostly community. And, I thought of my mother and her relationship with all her ghosts. I have that too. At age 92 My mother died late in the afternoon on a Thursday.

The next morning Jim and I drove through the black wrought iron gates at Elmwood Cemetary. I stopped at Gus Keasler’s grave, now with my grandmother beside him, and I felt comforted. Years have passed and these days--- On Wednesdays I wave my pass for the guards to see as I drive through the black wrought iron gates of Arlington National Cemetary

, they smile and wave back.

Minutes later I park near Jim's resting place near the Tomb of the Unknowns. People say "why do you go there every week?" I go, as my grandmother did, because I feel comforted. Life is a circle.

Nothing Could be FIner...

My daughter Karen and I drove to North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with my sister, Lynda, and her husband, Henry.

We had a great time. Lots of talking and old-time stories and a HEAVY traditional Thanksgiving Dinner of southern cooking at a local fixture-restaurant. It was delicious and brought back a flood of childhood memories through the familiar tastes.


We ate our dinner at The Old Country Kitchen in Snow Camp, NC near the site of a historical Quaker

community.  This place is a relic of past times and the walls were covered with more vintage Coca Cola graphics than  I have ever seen in one place outside of a museum. They did no waste time on or charge customers for showy decorating - it was totally roadside and down-home. I loved it.

We  ate hearty --- and left satisfied and happy.


This was the first Thanksgiving without Jim and it turned out to be a good decision to leave town and try something new and different.

Walking a Tight Rope

I am learning the truth about the warning, "Firsts" are tricky when you have lost someone.

And how.

So I decided to spend this "first" Thanksgiving in NC with my sister and her husband. Karen and I drove down yesterday.
It was a good decision!

We had a really comfortable ride in the new car. I loved sitting high off the road surrounded by lots of metal - driving it.
On the way to Lynda's we drove through Chapel Hill - where we lived when Jim was in the Psychiatry Residency at UNC Memorial Hospital. A quick ride through was not nearly enough so we are going back tomorrow. This is memory research and story building - - -and I like it, even when sometimes tears are dripping off my cheeks.

Today was something new. We went to Snow Camp, NC  - a place near Lynda's - for Thanksgiving Dinner at The Old County Kitchen. It was perfect. Old, decorated with more vintage Coke signs than I have ever seen in one place - - and the food - - well it was delicious. When I saw the buffet with all the traditional southern food - cooked home-style  - - my mouth started watering. From corn bread, dead green beans, mac and cheese, and fried okra the food captured pieces of my childhood. I can tell you frankly - I not only over-ate - I shamelessly made a pig of myself and it was all GOOD.

Talk, my gosh we have all been talking. And I am collecting stories. Just you wait.  Do you know about "butter and eggs" ? I didn't but I do now from my brother-in-law and -----

Tomorrow Karen and I are going to Southern Supreme to see where my favorite marvelous pecan pralines come from. After that we are going back to Chapel Hill.

Right now I am going to bed so I will have lots of "git up and git" for tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing all my Facebook friends a very Happy Thanksgiving.

This Thanksgiving I look back very gratefully to the 57 Thanksgivings Jim and I shared and my heart is filled with love and gratitude for the many blessings of those years.

Jim and I celebrated our 50 years together when we worked together to make this collage screen - an abacus - as part of my art show "About Time" at Studio Gallery, Washington, DC in 2005. 



Thank God for the gift of memory.

And,  for the stories we tell which keep our loved ones beside us!

Cars and Money Give Me Headaches and a PS

Facing up to buying another car and its hard.

I masquerade as a fairly practical person - but really I am a "creative" and crunching real numbers and making budgets gives me a head-ache.

When I was in high school we had a class called "Family Living" that was all about husbands and wives working together, budgets, talking things out - you know ways to have a reasonably functional family. Unfortunately my family was very dysfunctional which blocked my understanding of the class content quite a bit. I remember the cute blondes and serious others who made notes, brought in their hypothetical budgets and really loved the class.

I wished then -  and now  - that I was one of them.

In our marriage Jim was the practical money-manager and he often wished I had been one of them too.

But never you mind - life has a way of catching up with you and offering new chances to get those wishes.

Since Jim died I have had a continual nagging hear-ache - money and how to manage it. I am great at spending it - its the budgeting and managing that comes hard.

So here comes a BIG pain and test - buying a car.

What do I need?
What do I want?
What can I pay for - - - and how to pay?

First off - I am not buying a new car on a whim - the guy at the garage refuses to fix my 12 year old van because it is now and will continue to eat more and more money. Emotionally I am furious with this whipper snapper - ofcourse - but my rational side knows he has stepped up and done me a favor.

I hope he will also give me a bottle of Tylenol to go with the HEADACHE.

One of my primary needs is SAFETY.  To me that means sitting high up off the road and having lots of metal around me.

To start, since my van has been banned from the road, I rented a Chrysler Town and County van because its on the recommended list. When the guy from Enterprise drove up I tried not to laugh - this rental is shiny black and looks like a cross between a hearse and a Secret Service van like the ones that trail after the President's car when he speeds through Washington, DC traffic.

Its comfortable, lots of room, sits high up off the road, and the ride is smooth - its a TRUCK. Someone told me that Toyota Sienna's  - which I have driven for 12 years are built on a car body - while American auto makers built their vans on a truck body. I believe it.

The real extra on this Van - is that I can start a shuttle business and pay it off.

And, I love all the toys it has - things that were not even thought of a decade ago when we bought our Toyota - a back-up camera, navigation screens, hand free blue tooth telephone, Sirius radio with a whole channel devoted to 1950s music - all great! But - costly.

I tackled the Toyota dealer yesterday starting with new cars. The salesman was not high pressure so this morning I am going to drive a variety of Toyota vehicles.

I feel another headache coming on.

TA DA!!!

PS: 10 PM that evening.

Announcing!

After lots of agonizing, telephone confabs with my sister in Georgia and great help from my daughter Karen  and  - - - a handfull of Tylenol  - - I bought a car.

It sits high off the road. Surrounds me with lots of metal and  - it is filled with intriguing toys.

I bought a "fully loaded" 2010 Toyota Sienna Limited Van - in pristine condition that seemed to
be made  - - and waiting - -  for me.

There is a story for later.

Book-ends in History?

Whew! Elections are over!
I am happy!
Watched CNN where Wolf Blitzer and John King covered the count state-by-state until it was clear Barack Obama had won four more years.
I went to bed and slept well.

I missed sharing the evening with Jim.
We always tabled everything else and watched the Presidential election results together - by no means always agreeing about the best candidate, sometimes having "words" over it. Especially during the Nixon years. I was especially vocal and vehement about Richard Nixon.

Jim and I would have agreed last night as we did in 2008.

The way my story-mind works I also thought of other elections Jim and I shared.

The first election count-down we watched on television together was in 1960. We were living in San Antonio, Texas where Jim was stationed at Brooks Air Force Base - assigned to the staff of the School of Aerospace Medicine.  The 1960 was the first time I was aware of Richard Nixon and thank goodness John F. Kennedy won. Waiting for the results that night was so exciting and it went on and on. Finally we were so tired we decided to take the count-down to bed with us. 

We wheeled the small yellow television set on it's moveable stand from the living room to our bedroom. The rabbit-ears aerial perched on top of the set brought the black and white picture into any room in the house. Before there was a definite decision on the winner sleep claimed me. I missed Nixon's concession remarks and JFK's acceptance speech. I woke up as Jim came out of the shower and announced the good news!

Today people say the 1960 JFK win was the start of a new chapter in US History. As people will probably call last night - four more years for Obama - significant in our history. I can imagine historians will one day write books on how the two are related - will they call them book-ends to 50 years of US history?

Missiles, Canned Goods and White Shirts

This is what I call "kitchen table" storytelling.

Sometimes something comes up - sparks a story - and you go ahead and tell it without deep preparation, relying on your memory to feed you the information as you need it. Well, that's what happened the day I told this story for the camera at Channel 16.  I watched the morning CNN News and 20 minutes later when I pulled into the parking lot outside the television studio I had decided to revisit my memories of a time 50 years ago. Perhaps the story will prompt your memories of October 1962 in your home.

This happened a week before Sandy the Frankenstorm loomed on the scene.  Funny that just 4 days later we were putting in supplies and preparing for our "survival" during Sandy.

About a Sister Visit

My sister Kathy came for a visit and even Sandy, the Frankenstorm, did not put a damper on our fun.

Ok. Ok. there were also tears - that just happens with me these days - and she understood - because she first met Jim when she was in 9th grade and Kathy has shared many things with us over the 56 years of our marriage. She misses him too.

We talked about our children and grandchildren and about our parents and our childhood memories.
In the ten days she was here - outside of storm Sandy - we crammed in a long visit at Arlington National Cemetary,
several thrift shops,
the Virginia Storytelling Alliance in Lorton where I told a story of a 1945 NC Hurricane at Wrightsville Beach that Kathy well- remembered even though she just 4 years old when it happened -
I switched my selected stories so that I could tell that story with Kathy in the audience.
(This is a link to a video version of the Hurricane Story   if you are curious.)

We talked of books and movies -
 I marveled at how she does all her internet work on her iPhone
she installed the Nook App on my iPad so that we can share our Nook books in future,
and I was surprised to discover that my sister is a dog-whisperer.

Our eight year old Shih Tzu, Leia, who was really Jim's dog has seriously grieved for him since he died in March. She has not been a bit interested in opening a loving friendship with me - not that I blame her - we have both been sad females. Kathy undertook to make a bridge with her and she did it.
She not only did it to her she showed me how to build a warm relationship with Leia for me. wow.

One day we drove to Baltimore for a sentimental visit to Johns Hopkins Hospital and the neighborhood where Jim and I met and began our marriage. Kathy spent a month with us during the summer and she remembered a lot about it. Most important she understood how important it was to me to be there with a "trusted" companion.

A security guard took this picture for us in the former Main Entrance with the legendary statue of Jesus, The Healer which has been there since the Hospital opened in the 1890s. People lightly touch the cool marble foot as they pass and often stop to sign a large visitors book which is kept on a near-by wall shelf - it is filled with petitions and gratitudes.

I lived here - Hampton House, the Nurses Home, when I was a student nurse at Hopkins. Jim and I met in the lobby for our first "blind" date. Every day I walked across the street and entered the hospital through the old Main Entrance. The first time I entered the hospital through that door the statue was such a surprise it took my breath away.

Being there brought back waves of memories and story possibilities - that's why I love storytelling.

And sharing these days - that's why I feel so fortunate to have sisters.