F is for Facing My Reality
Facing my realities and in this case I mean my limitations is HARD.
I want to do everything.
Never say no.
Saying I will go when I really did not want to and then HAD to.
Maybe you know these situations.
For me facing up and giving up something is HARD.
This week I wrote a note to a few art friends and faced up.
I cannot possibly produce several new "worthy" prints for a show in Venice - for a book that would be an international collaboration - by May 1. Actually not by anytime this summer. It all sounded so wonderful when I was told about it - an opportunity to jump at. And, I jumped. I love these kinds of things. Working with artists, making art, being part of a show - -
But, the truth is, I gave up a lot of that when I jumped into storytelling. When I fell in love with storytelling it took me over. No matter what you think at the out set- - serving two masters in the arts is HARD.
Twenty plus years ago I did not think about that. I did not face the reality of my limitations - of time and commitment and of creative and physical energy.
Jim said, "you are going to have to choose."
I said, "Maybe so, maybe so." But I did not believe him.
That was a mistake.
The maybe so - always depends on timing.
Have you experienced that?
Adding something else when your plate is already spilling over?
In my case in this current situation - I had already signed up for the Capital Fringe and am into developing a new show. That is all good.
At the same time I scheduled a House Concert for April - here at my house - and seeing how tear stained the place looked I decided to to scrub its face clean to hide my grieving before I re-opened my home theater. That also is all good.
Then I heard the "siren song" of the Italian show - and I jumped at that too........
That was not good -
two days ago I wrote to my friends and said, "I am so sorry - - I can't do it."
Damn.
But, being tempered by grief and learning to flounder in the world alone - I am a bit wiser.
Hopefully next time I hear the sirens sing I will check my calendar FIRST - before I sign on to something new.
Maybe so. Maybe so.
1 comment:
You are the second friend this week to write about the need to sometimes say no. It occurs to me that if we don't say no when we need to, the busy-ness we allow will interfere with the whole-hearted YES we with to give to our loves.
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