Where is Anne Lamott when you need her?

Golden sun streaming into the living room this morning.
More blooms bursting forth on this two year old orchid from Jim's memorial Mass March 6, 2012.

When this plant went fallow
It was ugly and barren
I thought of throwing it away
because I was sick and tired of facing death.

Oddly, today the stalks signal joy
as I begin reliving the worst week of my life
- - - - - which was the last week of Jim's life.

Interesting that the day before Jim's anniversary is Ash Wednesday.
While the orchid protests and proclaims Easter.

If I were a theologian or a spiritual writer
 I would or could turn this juxtaposition into a deeply inspiring message
But
I am not one of those deep thinking folks
So
I am left grappling with the painful reality of missing Jim.

I am grateful that
At least
I can see the beauty
manifesting in my living room.

However
to tell you the truth
it is not enough

I want a hug.

Where is Anne Lamott when you need her?