Processing Memories

Yesterday on our return from PA I pulled off Hwy 95 at exit 53 and drove directly to the Johns Hopkins Hospital for a tour of the neighborhood where Jim and I lived when we were first married.

Talk about making it hard on yourself! Some would say, "what were you thinking?"

This empty parking lot was the location for the Eddie's Grocery Store four blocks from our apartment on North Washington Street. The large colorful wall mural is certainly a new addition.

Traveling back into memory takes a lot of work - but I could see it as it was. Some of that is comforting and some hurtful. However, for me, its necessary. Why people ask me. Its early. Its too soon. Maybe so - if you have lots of time to put off feeling your way through these hard times.

Process takes work and coming through the mine field that loss and grief creates is all about process.

When I stepped into the hospital waves of memories rolled over me like a tide rolling in. On a Sunday afternoon the main hallway looked empty but to me it was crowded and noisy as it was when I walked it to my Duty assignment. Groups of medical students in their white coats laughing and talking as they walked to rounds in one of the clinics. I often recognized Jim among them. He was tall and his walk was familiar. We stopped for a quick word before we each moved on.

Or I might be in the midst of a group of laughing young student nurses, all wearing light blue uniforms and white caps - but he could pick me out of any crowd.

Believe it or not, in the midst of all the many Hopkins renovations this section of the corridor that circles through all the buildings is the same - and that is such a comfort.

For me - that was not an empty hallway - it was a connecting link of memories. Of stories.