Thawing

My husband Jim died on March 6, 2012 - that's four years ago. Those have been years that whizzed by but sometimes don't seem to have happened at all.
Time can be very mysterious.

Jim Schoettler

I never know exactly how anniversaries will work out for me
so when I realized I had slipped up and agreed to do a performance of The Hello Girls on March 6 I was apprehensive.

But it turned out totally different than I had expected.
Many things have popped up to comfort me - and to awaken me to life. I have been alert to the "messages" I received from the "universe."

God has been winking at me for several days.

If you don't believe it those kinds of serendipities - well - -

It began Friday when I agreed to meet a friend from out of town at the Phillips Gallery even though I have steered clear of that Gallery since Jim died.
It was one of our favorite places - and I was wary of it and the waves of grief it might unleash.

At lunch my friend asked how I was and I told her I was concerned about performing on Jim's anniversary - in another city a drive way. She looked me in the eye and said, "Ellouise, that will be a beautiful was to honor Jim. I know how proud he was of your work as an artist - he will be happy - delighted - you are doing that." Other people have said similar things to me - but they did not ring the same bell with me. Sitting in the Phillips Cafe - I heard it differently. I knew she was right.

I told another friend about our conversation and she said - "I think you had a visitation, Ellouise." She put a voice to what I had been thinking.

Unexpectedly my son and his daughter decided they would come with me to the performance on Sunday. We arrived early and they stepped in to help with the set-up. When my son was moving boxes and standing up the projection screen - I saw Jim in him - he was pitching in as Jim always did - - it felt like such a gift.  A message that Jim is always there.

Later that afternoon my son and I went to an evening Mass together. It was so the right thing to do.
I felt a door that I had closed when Jim died opening - - like a spiritual thawing.

I am very grateful for these feelings and for recognizing that its important to keep your eyes and ears open to receive messages when they come your way.